jericks

I once read that the best way to kill a fly is to come at it from two directions at once. Flies have very small brains and can’t process a lot of simultaneous information. When presented with too much and/or conflicting data, its primitive nervous system overloads and momentarily freezes. This also reminds me of a computer that is tasked with more concurrent operations than its memory can process.

And this is what it’s like to have anxiety and ADHD. A low-grade anxiety can be like an invisible background app. It doesn’t burn up a lot of resources, but it is constantly running below the surface, syphoning one’s reserves. Then, when you fully engage in a world full of stimuli, the ADHD kicks in. Suddenly, you lose the ability to prioritize or filter what is thrown at you and your brain wants to absorb and process everything all at once. You attempt to call in reinforcement, but thanks to anxiety, the back-up tank is empty. So, bam! The whole machine grinds to a halt. Your mind’s circuit breaker has just been flipped, and you are paralyzed.

Like the proverbial fly, the overtaxed PC, the deer in the headlights, or any other metaphor you choose to use, you’ve been effectively immobilized. To put it more bluntly, you can neither shit nor get off the pot. Cue the period of dissociative fugue: The zombie time of aimless, quasi-consciousness that steals the hours and extinguishes focus and motivation. Eventually, you awake from this hazy state to confront the disappointment and shame that await you on the other side.

And this is how, to borrow from the Bard, “The native hue of resolution is sickled o’er with the pale cast of thought, and enterprises of great pith and moment… lose the name of action.”